How to control Stress and negativity ?

Living in a world where success is defined by the wealth and possessions we achieve, Stress and negativity are the outcome of this pursuit of defining our success. Even if you don’t subscribe to this definition of success for some people even just surviving generates a lot of stress and negativity. Many of us believe that this is a malady we can’t rid ourselves off, if we wish to fit in this world. Trying to live a respectable life has to endure stress and negativity. No matter how big or small, how old or young, rich or poor you are, everyone faces stress and negativity.

We rarely do the things that we wish to do. Even the things that we think we want to do are instilled in our minds by social conditioning. That’s why we keep shifting from one want after another. So many times we want things without even needing them. We want things just to fit in or social pressure or conditioning. Hence after we get these things we are happy only for a short time. After some time we are bored of them. Our self worth needs more things to keep up to our socially acceptable standards. We are mentally engineered by society that we believe that the current way of life that generates stress and negativity is the new normal. This understanding is the reason that most people don’t do anything to overcome this stress and negativity. Even if they do something to tackle this menace they do it by indulging in intoxicants like alcohol, smoking and drugs.

The outcome of this stress and negativity is loss of peace and happiness. The desire to always want more, never satisfied with what you have, thinking and believing that more things and money leads to happiness, keeps you occupied with doing the things that will only generate even more stress and negativity.

There are basic activities and responsibilities that we all have to fulfill, like caring for our family and friends, earning our daily bread, learning and education, providing a shelter. These too generate stress and negativity.

So is there any escape or cure for this malady or are we all destined to experience stress and negativity? Well the good and bad news is Yes and No. We will all encounter stress and negativity at some point in our lives but we don’t have to be subdued by it we can easily overcome it. Here are a few easy and simple strategies you could incorporate into your daily lives and overcome stress and negativity

You could begin by observing the events and situations in your life that have got you worried, anxious and stressed. List them down on paper. Number them listing the most stressful events high up as 1, 2 and the lessor stressful events 3,4 all the way till 10 or beyond in the decreasing order.

Let’s take the hugely negative and stressful task and observe it. Ask the question. What’s so great about this task that it’s overwhelming me? It could be the sheer magnitude of the task or the deadline or the responsibility the task demands.

The next step would be to just break the mega tasks into several mini tasks. Just like slicing a loaf into slices.
Stratigise a workable solution. Work one step at a time. One mini task at a time.
Follow your time schedule as per your capacity to function.
Take help of others and involve as many resources to help you. Take advise
It will make the impossible, possible.

Celebrate when you complete the small mini task, bask in the glory of your accomplishments, relax for a few minutes and feel good and victorious. This step is very important and don’t ignore it. Then move to the next mini task. This instills a sense of accomplishment and energises you for the next step with a positive attitude. It sets the pace for all further actions. You can accomplish much more with a sense of accomplishment then with scheduling and deadlines. You will feel energetic, lively, positive and confident.

Meditation and prayer are awesome when it comes to neutralising stress and negativity. By investing a few minutes in prayer and meditation you could energise yourself for the whole day. You will be able to confidentiality shift from one task after another with the centered mind and assurance that a higher power is in control. The higher power is supporting and guiding you. You can develop the habit of small centering moments in the day especially when you feel imbalance through prayer and meditation.

Talking and sharing your anxieties, worry, concerns, inability, lack of resources etc. with someone you trust and normally seek guidance and counsel. Just the act of sharing releases the steam that the event generated. The release reduces the pent up negative energy. You feel light and ready to carry on.

Physical exercise, dancing, cycling, swimming, yoga have a relaxing effect on stress. You feel stronger, centered and focused after doing the above activities. It also releases the positive hormones and you feel more confident and happy.

Reading and listening to motivational literature and videos help to motivate and educate you. Learning something new opens up the mind and new ideas flow into your mind. Inspirational stories help you combat negativity with the hope that you will surely overcome your trials and emerge victorious. It reduces the gloom and helps you elevate yourself.

Listening to relaxing music helps to calm the racing mind that has got pumped up with all the stress and anxiety. The restless mind can slowly calm down and relax.

A warm water bath after you get back home from a stressful day is so relaxing and de stressing. The warm water relaxes the stressed and tensed muscles of the head neck, back. Spending time alone in the tub or shower feeling the water helps you calm down. Remember to not be in a hurry while bathing or else it will defeat the purpose.

Meet friends and spend time with family. Share the incidences of the day. Share pleasant moments of the day, stressful moments, fun you had with friends, conversation with your boss, colleague, clients. Involve your family in your life, don’t carry your stresses with you all the time. Dance, sing have fun or just talk about each others day. Have some light, non offensive fun. Make your house a home. Make your home a safe zone to share and care, find and give support to one another.

Seek help of a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist if you feel too stressed out and are not in a position to take care of yourself. Homoeopathy, reflexology, accupuncture, aromatic oils, massage etc are helpful. Homoeopathy and Bach flower remedies help profoundly.

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How to overcome fear?

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How to deal with too many thoughts?

Have you ever experienced or are experiencing your head being crowded with too many thoughts? Well almost everyone at some time or the other has had this experience. It’s so overwhelming that it’s impossible to work or rest and have a sound sleep. The thoughts keep racing in the mind and the brain seems to just keep going on and on. The brain just can’t calm down. You may want to sleep or relax but the system is high on adrenaline and you just can’t calm down.

This state can be triggered by sudden bad news. The death of a loved one, sudden reversal of fortune, breakup, deceit and betrayal, anticipation anxiety, etc. The flight or fight mechanism gets triggered on and the lower brain gets triggered. One experiences panic and extreme restlessness sets in. The thoughts start racing in the brain and your legs gets restless. It’s difficult to sit in one place and you start pacing up and down. Some feel like running away while others feel extreme helplessness and cry.

In short you just can’t calm down. One feel overwhelmed. You desperately desire to calm down and relax but it seems impossible to slow down the brain. Some times in extreme cases people are not able to sleep for days. It’s very difficult to conduct daily activities efficiently. The person experiencing this state is in extreme distress.

So what can one do when one is in such a state or finds his loved ones in this distress?

1. Empathise with the person by hearing them out and acknowledging their state. Feel their pain and distress and let them know that you are with them.

2. Let them know it’s ok to experience such states.

3. Don’t ridicule or belittle them for having such an experience.

4. Let them know that this stage is temporary and it will soon pass away.

5. Help and assist them in through relaxation exercises. These exercises help on calming down and offset the panic state.

6. Calming music and subliminal music has a profound effect in Calming the mind.

7. Yoga and meditation help to centre the mind.

8. Brisk exercise, running, walking in nature, having a shower, having chamomile tea.

9. Homoeopathic medicines and Bach flower remedies are very effective in calming the mind very quickly.

10. Seeing a psychologist and / psychiatrist may be necessary in extreme cases. Homoeopathic medicines are very effective but take it after consulting your Homoeopathic doctor. Avoid any kind of self medication. Don’t ignore the problem if it does not respond to the above measures and see a mental health care proffesional as soon as possible. Don’t shy away discuss the matter with your friends, family and your general physician.

Watch “How to better my child’s behaviour? (part 2) by Dr Alfred D’Silva.” on YouTube

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Watch “How to improve my child’s behaviour (Part 1) by Dr Alfred D’Silva” on YouTube

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

Illusion of success

Most people pursue success in terms of financial success. They believe that success is attaining a better and bigger bank balance, bigger house, bigger car and status. They focus on a bigger lifestyle. They focus all their attention and energy to make their dreams a reality. In the process they unknowingly ignore the other critical areas of their lives. Thus leading to imbalance in the other areas of their lives. They believe that when they attain great financial success their lives will be filled with joy and happiness. They are under the illusion that life will be fuller and happier.

Sadly when they achieve this great financial success they experience great emptiness and imbalance. They begin to wonder what went wrong. They don’t feel happy. They are sicker and sadder then before. They followed the success teachings of their peers who are financially successful but their lives stink too. This realisation comes too late. By that time they have paid a very heavy cost in their personal lives.

True success is when life is balanced as you succeed gradually. When your life in the 4 fundamental areas grow and develop in a balanced manner.

The 4 areas are

Mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.

Financial success is growth and development in the physical area. Where money and things are added into your life. People are so blinded and consumed by money making that they tend to ignore the other areas.

A young man so occupied to make a name and position for himself gets obsessed in money making tends to ignore his family, his emotional development, his spiritual development, his health that in the process he damages his health. Ignoring the emotional needs of his family and friends begins to alieniate them. He is surrounded by stress and anxiety that speed of development brings that he has little interest and desire to pay attention to the other aspects of his life. By the time he realizes that damage that has been done it’s too late.

Thats one of the cause of so many people are indulging in intoxicants. They seek some refuge from the mess they created. Some escape from the troubles they unknowingly created. It’s so sad that in the pursuit of happiness they created sorrow, pain, anguish and illness.

Some people reflect upon their actions and come to the realization that something went wrong. Most of the people don’t bother to think and blame others for their misery.

This brings us to an important discussion, What is success?

Success is development in all 4 areas of life simatenously. That is as we focus on financial development we also focus on our health, our spiritual development, our family and their development, our emotional development and social development. As we develop in a balanced manner we begin to experience a fresher and energetic self. Our minds are alert and open to better and effective ways of functioning. Our stress levels are extremely low. We feel happier and lively. Our chances of handling negatives and setbacks reduces and at the same time our ability to handle the setbacks improves, thereby resulting in quicker turnaround.

Sadly most people are ignorant about the concept of balanced success. They go about in the pursuit of success without really knowing what success is all about. If only they were taught about true success they would know what true success is all about.

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How to help a friend in depression?

At some time in our lives either we or our loved ones experience depression. The depression could range from very mild to severe. It could last for a short while or last very long. Some of us can tackle depression on our own or with a little help from friends and family. While others may require specialized help and support.

Whenever we see our loved ones in trouble it’s our natural instinct to jump in and get help. So here are some of the things you could do to help.

(Try to provide them the help you can. If you find they need more help then motivate them to see a mental health expert.)

Give them your time: When you find your friend alone battling his depression don’t leave him alone. Spend time with them. You may be very busy at that point of time, surrounded by many hard pressing issues. Just keep that aside and spend some time with your friend who needs you more than anything. Your company is the greatest gift you can ever give him.

A person battling depression needs some one to talk to, so listen to them. Listening to them is a great release of the pent up negative energy. The need to be in someone’s company and talk about the problems that are driving them deep into depression is very real. When ignored it drives them to take extreme steps. Listening to them is providing them a turn around opportunity.

Listening to someone is not easy. For most of us even during a normal regular conversation we listen with the intent to reply. That’s the challenge here. We got to be listening with the intention to understand and not to reply. Always keeping in mind that the person in depression has a strong need to feel understood.

When you want to truly understand and let the other person feel understood. The way to do that is through empathic listening. Always remember to empathize with them, respect their feelings even if you disagree with them. Do not ridicule or belittle their feelings and emotions.

The way to make them feel really good is to Validate their feelings and not dismiss their feelings. When we dismiss their feelings it adds salt to their injuries. Let them know that it’s ok and justified to feel the way they feel. A depressed person is already very low and at such a time to let them know that they are wrong can be very hurtful and unbearable. So refrain from dismissing their feelings but remember to validate their feelings.

When talking to a person with depression avoid pep talk at the start of the conversation. It can become a big block to all your further well intentioned communication. Pep talk is a total invalidation of their feelings. It’s a message that they are wrong to harbor such feelings. They will block you out at that very moment. Such pep talks can have a totally opposite effect. I am not saying to totally avoid pep talk . After they feel fully understood and they have vented out their feelings then it’s ok to venture into pep talk. So pep talk comes in the last part of the conversation.

One of the commonest and irresistible things that people do is giving examples from their own lives and others on how they tackled and overcome similar situations. This makes them feel incapable and stupid that they couldn’t figure it out by themselves and solve it. This makes them angry and even more depressed.

When you have got them talking it’s very important to let them talk. Don’t interrupt them even if you feel they are going around in circles or are speaking irrelevant things. As they speak they will release the pent up steam. Just let the steam come out. They will talk about several unrelated events and incidents. Let them talk. Remembering that it’s a part of the venting process will give you the strength to endure the excessive talk. A lot of garbage will come out along with the real issues. Your job is to just listen and provide empathy.

When they are speaking a lot of stuff it takes time. Don’t get restless or impatient. Keep an empathic attitude towards whatever they are venting. Getting restless as the conversation seems stretched is normal for you but it’s very hurtful to the depressed friend who is opening up.

Sometimes they are not willing to speak up or open up or come to the main point. They just keep moving in circles and keep avoiding talking about the main issue. Understand it’s difficult for them to get there and address to those issues. It’s just too painful to get there. Great amounts of support and compassion can get them talking about those issues. They can stretch the conversation as the emotions slowly and gradually release. It can be very time consuming. Be patient. Give them the opportunity to release.

Let them know that you are not judging them and It’s ok to feel depressed. It’s not that they are deficient in anyway. It’s perfectly fine for them to feel whatever they are experiencing . It’s ok to be vulnerable and hurt. You don’t have to be a solid rock that can face all challenges. It’s human to be vulnerable. When you get hurt its painful. There is nothing to be ashamed about that. It’s a perfectly normal thing.

When we try or attempt anything in our life, we will either succeed or fail. Success and failure are the two outcomes of any endeavor hence failing is just one of the two outcomes. It’s very normal to fail. People make a big fuss about failing asif the only acceptable outcome of any effort is success. These thoughts are a flaw to the normal functioning of life. Failing is not a crime or a punishment but is just an outcome of effort.

When ever we feel pain the normal reaction is to cry. Conditioning of society has made many feel that they are weak if they cry. It’s a sign of being inadequate. This is a wrong understanding of how the mind and emotions work. Normal reaction to painful problems is to cry. It’s perfectly normal to cry. Crying is a big release to the pent up high intensity emotional flux. It’s a way of finding balance and healing. It’s a process of release. Crying has many benefits and is not a sign of weakness.

We all have plans and ideas about how our lives should be. Most of the time it never goes the way we want it to go. Life has it’s own way. It goes and flows contrary to our wishes and expectations. It’s very distressing when things don’t go our way. Accepting the fact that life is just the way it is. It flows in ways beyond our understanding. Accepting life the way it flows is wisdom.

While you listen to them remember to let them do the talking and thinking. Let them figure out the solution. As they speak your role is to listen with empathy and be non judgemental. Don’t be in a hurry to come to a solution or conclusion. Let the venting and solutions emerge from the cleaning process. Be calm and extremely patient.

Know very well that these methods can work as an aid and assist you to help your friend combating depression. It will help you on many occasions but there will be times you won’t be able to help. At such times it’s very important that you seek professional help for your friend. Since you have helped them before, you will be able to influence them to accept help from professionals. Ensure that they follow through the process of psychotherapy diligently.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating depression.

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How to have a good night sleep.

A good night’s sleep is therapeutic. Sleep is the body’s time to conduct various repair and rejuvenation processes. That’s why people wake up fresh and all recharged to face another work packed day.

Research has shown that less sleep makes people prone to many problems and increases the risk to stroke and heart attacks. Increased risk for diabetes, common colds, depression and stress.

Now a days people use sleep trackers to measure the sleep which causes further stress that reduces the sleep even more and aggravates the problem.

Here are a few tips that can improve your sleep

1. Reduce your activity 1 to 2 hours before bedtime. This slows you down and let’s the brain get ready to go to sleep. Don’t indulge in fast and mentally engaging activity like fast digital games.

2. Turn of your screens like your mobile and television sets. These gadgets emit blue light that mimics sunlight which keeps the brain in daytime mode. It prevents the brain from secreting melatonin which is the brain’s sleep hormone. This prevents healthy normal sleep from kicking in.

3. Avoid intake of stimulants like coffee and tea at least 6 hours before bedtime as they tend to keep the brain active and prevent sleep. Energy drinks should be avoided especially if you suffer from sleep deprivation. It will tend to keep you awake all night.

4. People are using gadgets to monitor their sleep. Some people begin to worry about not getting enough sleep by seeing the sleep reports in the morning. This begins to cause stress and further reduces the sleep. So just stop using these fitness trackers to measure your sleep and sleep as much as your body needs.

5. Some people wake up frequently to to to the bathrooms for a leak. Then they find it difficult to fo to sleep. Avoid too much water intake 2 hours before bedtime. In elderly people sitting or standing causes swelling due to water retention which causes frequent urina6at night as the water from the feet gets absorbed and forms excessive urine. Raising your feet by placing a pillow under your feet an hour or so before bedtime will drain the accumulated water from the feet.

6. Sleep in a cool room. Hotter environments prevent sleep whereas cold environments induce sleep. So cool the room either by ventilation or switching the aircondition to a low temperature. The lower the temperature the easier or is to sleep

7. Breakfast like a king. Lunch like a commoner and dinner like a pauper. Having a light dinner aids in good sleep. Heavy meals can cause gastric distress which can cause discomfort which will not let you sleep peacefully.

8. Nuts have selenium and potassium which help to sleep well. So consuming a couple of nuts can induce a good sleep. Dairy foods and high protein foods like meat can reduce the quality of sleep.

9. Sleep in the same bed each night. Avoid changing your bed or sleeping on the couch at night. When bed partners snore it can disturb the other person. Some partners talk and beat in their sleep. This causes the other person frequently wake up thereby affecting the quality of sleep. It’s better to get your own bed

10. Get into bed the same time daily. Just close your eyes and lay down. This trains the brain to switch off at a fixed time daily. Lie on your back as lying on your back is known to relive aches and pains. It relaxes the body which leads to a restful night sleep. Using a pillow elevates the head reducing gastric reflux and heartburn.

Following these simple steps can greatly improve the quality of sleep and cause better health and happier fresher mind.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating sleep disorders.

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Our thinking habits determine our destiny

Have you ever thought or focused on the events of a single day? Focused on each and every event of the day. Could you be alert and aware of each and every thought, decision and happening of the day right to the smallest and most insignificant event of the day?

Most of us will answer in the negative. We are not aware most of the times, about how we think, decide or act in each and every situation of the day. It feels like a major part of our life is on auto pilot. We act without giving a serious thought to most of the events of the day. Well that observation is absolutely right. 90 to 95 percent of our day is automatic, we just do things out of routine, we don’t think before acting on most of the events of the day.

Well that way of running and managing the day has some real good benefits. That’s the reason our brain chooses the automatic way of living. It’s a great way to live, we don’t have to spend too much time thinking, on the contrary you can spend that time doing the things you want to do. We call this automatic way of doing things as Habits or routines.

Our lives are the sum of the small tiny moments in our lives. As add all the small tiny moments of our day it makes our entire life. Since we live most of these moments automatically, that means most of our life is lived for us. We don’t get to choose as most of our life’s decisions are automatically determined by our thinking habits.

People know us because of how we behave in those automatic moments. We are known as lazy, active, loving, selfish, angry, irritable, calm, patient, impatient, careless or careful, etc. The sum of those small moments and our automatic behavior in those moments determine the direction and outcome of our life.

These automatic way of behaving, known as habits are the result of our automatic thinking. When we focus on a thought then our actions correspond to that thought. When we focus on thinking positive thoughts then our actions tend to be Positive. When we focus on negative thoughts then our minds are filled with negativity and our corresponding actions are negative.

Whether our predominant thinking is positive or negative, it’s the out come of the decision that we make about which thoughts we chose to focus upon.

Since our actions are the outcome of our thoughts and our destiny is the sum of the actions in every moment of our life. Our destiny is determined by the thoughts we choose to focus upon.

The good or the bad news is that we get to choose our thoughts which will translate into repeated action and eventually become a thinking habit. We get an opportunity to decide which habit we intend to own. Which automatic behavior we wish to create and develop. The good news is that you get to choose your thoughts at any and every moment of your life before it translates into repeated action and converts into a thinking habit.

You choose the right thoughts, which translates into the right actions. Develop the right thinking habits and reap the right results. Or you could choose the other way with negative thoughts and create a negative thinking habit. Either way, You choose your destiny

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating the negative thinking habit.

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