How to find peace when someone hurts you ?

We all have been hurt at sometime or another.  It’s painful and disturbing. People experience an array of emotions ranging from sadness to rage. Our peace is the victim of this discord. Loss of peace could cause agony, which in turn could cause a range of physical discomfort and diseases. Restlessness,  lack of sleep, irritability, acidity,  indigestion, constipation or diarrhea, irritable bowel disease, increased blood pressure, aches and pains and could trigger and aggravate an underlying disease.

In simple words the hurt is really hurting us. The pain and mental suffering is the outcome of hurt and it is for the person who is hurt to bear, suffer and endure. The person who has caused the hurt and pain could blissfully be unaware of the distress caused and could have even forgotten the event.

The longer we hold on to the event the longer we suffer. It’s our peace that is lost, it’s we who suffer, it’s our agony, it’s our pain.

So many people have suffered intense agony for years. It has robbed them of a happy and peaceful life. It has even caused them mental and physical diseases. It’s really unwise to suffer for the bad conduct of another person. But ironically many people suffer for no fault of theirs.

There is a way out of all this pain and agony. The exit from this suffering is easy but difficult at the same time. Some find it easy to find peace but some struggle to find peace.

The following suggestions could help. Try them out and leave your experience in the comments below.

  1. Accept the fact that you have been hurt and it’s not your fault.
  2. The person who hurts you is hurt too. It’s hurting him and that’s the very reason he is hurting you in return
  3. We all have blind spots and hence cannot see our contribution to the other persons reaction that hurt us.
  4. Feel your pain. Don’t run away from it.  It’s ok to hurt.
  5. Write it down on a paper. Write down the event,  your hurt feelings,
  6. Don’t justify yourself or the other person. Just write your feelings as they emerge. Keep writing. The emotions could change from intense anger to sadness. You will go through different emotions as you write it down. Don’t stop writing till all the emotions are out.
  7. Read it again and if any emotions or feelings arise, write it down. As you write it you will gradually feel a release of your pain.
  8. Take the paper and burn it. Feel the release.
  9. Talk to someone but Don’t let them justify either of the parties. Talk to a neutral person or best to a counselor.
  10. Pray and communicate your hurt to god. Forgive the person and wish him well. Ask for god’s grace to assist you in the process of forgiveness. You may have to pray several times. Ultimately you will find a release of the negative emotions and peace will come to you.
  11. Mentally forgive the offender and wish him well. Also ask for his forgiveness as you could never know how you could have contributed to the situation in which he hurt you. Even if you assume that you are totally blameless in the situation,  yet ask for forgiveness at least mentally.
  12. If In case you realize it was your fault that contributed to the hurtful event then make it a point to seek the other persons audience and ask for forgiveness.
  13. Irrespective of whether he forgives you or not you will begin to feel the weight lifted and will find peace. It will be easy on your conscience and you could go on living a happy and healthy life.
  14. Remember to pray and thank god for helping you overcome your hurt and making you a wiser and better person.

Hope you found these tips helpful.

Homoeopathy and counselling has helped many people overcome hurt and find peace, discover happiness and reinvent their lives

If you or your friends are facing a difficult time and need help, please feel free to contact us by filling the form below.

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Why do people with depression keep relapsing?

When a loved one is facing depression it not just hard on the person suffering from depression but also for the family and friends. Depression is not an imaginary problem, it’s real. People come out of depression and are fine for a few days but again relapse into depression. Knowing the reasons for this relapse will empower you to get them quickly out of the condition.

The surroundings and the people play an important role in forming the support system for an individual. A person needs the support of his friends and family in a loving and caring manner but when the people who provide this support neglect to care and provide support to the individual with depression, he feels neglected and abandoned. It’s not easy to always be there for another person especially in todays demanding work culture. Each individual has a need for control, safety and purpose. The continuous neglect of these needs from the environment (The environment comprises of the near and dear ones.) causes the depressed individual to keep relapsing.

The environment of the person suffering with depression when filled with toxic people who not only neglect their needs but also make them feel like they are a burden and liability. Instead of being of some help they make them feel that they are being exploited by the individual. He is made to feel guilty of suffering from depression. This not only harms the person but also keeps him depressed for a longer duration. It’s natural to be burned out caring for a sick individual over a long time. The care giver experiences frustration and anger, leading to outbursts. Other than just releasing the pent up frustrations and impatience, it provides no relief. On the contrary it just keeps the depressed individual even more depressed for a longer duration.

Too many responsibilities keeps the depressed person in a state of perianal depression coupled with anxiety over the fulfilling of those responsibilities efficiently. If the responsibilities are too many or too complex then the process of executing them also causes too much of anxiety and stress which further adds to the depression. The feeling it’s too complicated and I won’t be able to execute it”, just magnifies the depression. It makes the person overwhelmed leading to a total burnout. This only worsens the already existing condition.

The care giver serving a person with a long standing and demanding condition over a period of time due to the accumulating stress can suffer from a relapse of depression .

Serving another person with depression over a long period of time by neglecting yourself and continuously serving the needs of the depressed individual eventually takes it’s toll. Getting over worked, getting stressed out with no relaxation can eventually break a person landing him into depression or relapse of depression.

When people suffering from depression have not totally healed from their old hurts and heartbreaks but are in the process of healing, suddenly experience stress due to other reasons or triggers, they tend to get depressed all over again. Depression has triggers that causes the onset of depression like seeing a photo, hearing a particular song, the name of a person etc. Listening to a song or the mention of a name causes them to revisit the associated emotions and experience the negative feelings of the trauma all over again, triggers depression. They are in the process of healing but have not fully healed from the wounds of the traumatic experience. The triggers just make them relive the trauma all over again causing the wounds to get fresh all over again thereby lengthening the time for a total recovery.

People suffering from depression need medication and therapy. Which could be counselling coupled with maybe CBT, REBT, group therapy, psychotherapy. It’s observed that many people opt for only medication or only counselling and dont undergo the whole treatment. Without healing the wounds and modifying the response to the triggers one will keep relapsing into depression again and again. A total holistic treatment will reduce the chances of frequent relapses to a great extent.

It’s well observed that homoeopathy works well with patients suffering from depression. It helps in healing the trauma which may be sometimes difficult to heal even with psychotherapy. It provides a great support to other therapies and aids it’s effectiveness. Homoeopathy strengthens the mind and heals the damage caused due to the negative emotions. It helps to heal past traumas and also helps to deal with fresh traumas more efficiently. It reduces the time to recover. All in all it is very beneficial.

If you or your loved ones are facing problems due to depression or PTSD you can get in touch with us by filling the form below or looking us up at the contact us page. We would love to be of assistance to you in overcoming depression or PTSD.

Are you experiencing a burnout?

In todays hectic life full of targets and high standards we set big goals and work hard to achieve them. It’s the norm of society to think big and achieve big. Many people are working round the clock to make their dreams a reality. The hours of the clock just pass by like minutes. Lot’s of unfinished work, conflicting expectations, pressures and sleepless nights are the natural consequences of burning the candle at both ends. Hence it’s no surprise that many people are experiencing a burnout.

A little stress is good as it helps the body and mind to stretch it’s capacity and improve efficiency but only for short periods of time. If the duration is stretch over weeks and months it can have disastrous consequences on our physical, mental and emotional health. Most people are so caught in the flow of work that they don’t realize that they are already in the burnout zone. Knowing the early and middle stages of a burnout can help you diffuse the burnout before disastrous consequences set in.

Here are a few signs that can let you know that you are facing a burnout and enable you to take remedial measures to safeguard your wellbeing.

Occasional or frequent Headaches that occur during work or any time of the day. A feeling of heaviness or dullness in the head. These headaches reduce with rest, closing the eyes or sitting in a dark quite place. Taking a cup of coffee or tea provides a temporary relief. Just taking some time out helps then it’s a burnout headache for sure.

People experiencing a burnout feel negative about trivial unmet expectations or whenever something does not go according to plan. They become overly critical about the situation or about the people surrounding them and begin to imagine a doomsday scenario. In simple words they tend to exaggerate the negative situations of daily life.

With excessive work, little rest and no time to recharge people experiencing the burnout feel extremely tired and exhausted. They find it difficult to shut their minds. The mind is racing due to the thoughts of the incomplete work and the pile up of files on the table. Even as they lie on the bed they find it hard to sleep. Their sleep pattern gets affected and some times they even suffer from insomnia or sleeplessness. They stay up all night haunted by the work still awaiting them.

Mood changes like Irritability, mood swings, depression, sadness, negative feelings occur due to prolonged periods of stress. Slight changes in the emotional environment around such people can unleash an exaggerated, out of proportion reaction. A boss experiencing a burnout due to an approaching deadline is spitting fire all around at his subordinates and associates. Any person responsible for slowing the pace of the work will have to face his wrath.

Eventually with all the physical mental and emotional machines of the body working at full throttle the system or individual organs of the body finally break down and the person becomes sick due to the collapse of the immunity system or due to the severe load on the various organs. Becoming physically ill is the outcome of the degree of load on the various organs and the overworking without any rest or time to recover. Emotional problems begin to surface and the general wellbeing is compromised.

During periods of extended stress or in the burnout phase one experiences a feeling of Endless anxiety as one feels that there is just no time to slowdown and relax. The shifting from one task to another rapidly, without a break and no downtime causes emotional overload. people a feeling of hopelessness and excessive anxiety. One begins to feel numb or apathetic about life. In this phase it becomes hard for the person to experience positive emotions like happiness or joy. He is just not able to react or perceive these positive feelings. Life feels like a downward slope and he is racing down the slope constantly hitting new lows.

Due to a continuous stream of work one begins to neglect himself and focus on the uncompleted task thereby not caring for his physical, mental and emotional needs. He tends to neglect selfcare, the very foundation for his ability to work efficiently. If only people pay attention to selfcare they can reduce the negative impact of a burnout or even avoid a burnout.

The long term effects of a burnout are very disastrous on the general wellbeing and health of a individual and could cause permanent damage emotionally, mentally and physically. When one experiences a burnout over extended periods of time the changes in the body could become fixed and irreversible.

Hence it’s very important to know and recognize the early signs of a burnout and take preventive and remedial measures for the same.

Counselling, homoeopathy, self education by reading books on the topic of stress could help prevent a breakdown or burnout.

If you or a loved one is facing a burnout you could get in touch with us by filling the form below. We would be glad to be of assistance

How to control Stress and negativity ?

Living in a world where success is defined by the wealth and possessions we achieve, Stress and negativity are the outcome of this pursuit of defining our success. Even if you don’t subscribe to this definition of success for some people even just surviving generates a lot of stress and negativity. Many of us believe that this is a malady we can’t rid ourselves off, if we wish to fit in this world. Trying to live a respectable life has to endure stress and negativity. No matter how big or small, how old or young, rich or poor you are, everyone faces stress and negativity.

We rarely do the things that we wish to do. Even the things that we think we want to do are instilled in our minds by social conditioning. That’s why we keep shifting from one want after another. So many times we want things without even needing them. We want things just to fit in or social pressure or conditioning. Hence after we get these things we are happy only for a short time. After some time we are bored of them. Our self worth needs more things to keep up to our socially acceptable standards. We are mentally engineered by society that we believe that the current way of life that generates stress and negativity is the new normal. This understanding is the reason that most people don’t do anything to overcome this stress and negativity. Even if they do something to tackle this menace they do it by indulging in intoxicants like alcohol, smoking and drugs.

The outcome of this stress and negativity is loss of peace and happiness. The desire to always want more, never satisfied with what you have, thinking and believing that more things and money leads to happiness, keeps you occupied with doing the things that will only generate even more stress and negativity.

There are basic activities and responsibilities that we all have to fulfill, like caring for our family and friends, earning our daily bread, learning and education, providing a shelter. These too generate stress and negativity.

So is there any escape or cure for this malady or are we all destined to experience stress and negativity? Well the good and bad news is Yes and No. We will all encounter stress and negativity at some point in our lives but we don’t have to be subdued by it we can easily overcome it. Here are a few easy and simple strategies you could incorporate into your daily lives and overcome stress and negativity

You could begin by observing the events and situations in your life that have got you worried, anxious and stressed. List them down on paper. Number them listing the most stressful events high up as 1, 2 and the lessor stressful events 3,4 all the way till 10 or beyond in the decreasing order.

Let’s take the hugely negative and stressful task and observe it. Ask the question. What’s so great about this task that it’s overwhelming me? It could be the sheer magnitude of the task or the deadline or the responsibility the task demands.

The next step would be to just break the mega tasks into several mini tasks. Just like slicing a loaf into slices.
Stratigise a workable solution. Work one step at a time. One mini task at a time.
Follow your time schedule as per your capacity to function.
Take help of others and involve as many resources to help you. Take advise
It will make the impossible, possible.

Celebrate when you complete the small mini task, bask in the glory of your accomplishments, relax for a few minutes and feel good and victorious. This step is very important and don’t ignore it. Then move to the next mini task. This instills a sense of accomplishment and energises you for the next step with a positive attitude. It sets the pace for all further actions. You can accomplish much more with a sense of accomplishment then with scheduling and deadlines. You will feel energetic, lively, positive and confident.

Meditation and prayer are awesome when it comes to neutralising stress and negativity. By investing a few minutes in prayer and meditation you could energise yourself for the whole day. You will be able to confidentiality shift from one task after another with the centered mind and assurance that a higher power is in control. The higher power is supporting and guiding you. You can develop the habit of small centering moments in the day especially when you feel imbalance through prayer and meditation.

Talking and sharing your anxieties, worry, concerns, inability, lack of resources etc. with someone you trust and normally seek guidance and counsel. Just the act of sharing releases the steam that the event generated. The release reduces the pent up negative energy. You feel light and ready to carry on.

Physical exercise, dancing, cycling, swimming, yoga have a relaxing effect on stress. You feel stronger, centered and focused after doing the above activities. It also releases the positive hormones and you feel more confident and happy.

Reading and listening to motivational literature and videos help to motivate and educate you. Learning something new opens up the mind and new ideas flow into your mind. Inspirational stories help you combat negativity with the hope that you will surely overcome your trials and emerge victorious. It reduces the gloom and helps you elevate yourself.

Listening to relaxing music helps to calm the racing mind that has got pumped up with all the stress and anxiety. The restless mind can slowly calm down and relax.

A warm water bath after you get back home from a stressful day is so relaxing and de stressing. The warm water relaxes the stressed and tensed muscles of the head neck, back. Spending time alone in the tub or shower feeling the water helps you calm down. Remember to not be in a hurry while bathing or else it will defeat the purpose.

Meet friends and spend time with family. Share the incidences of the day. Share pleasant moments of the day, stressful moments, fun you had with friends, conversation with your boss, colleague, clients. Involve your family in your life, don’t carry your stresses with you all the time. Dance, sing have fun or just talk about each others day. Have some light, non offensive fun. Make your house a home. Make your home a safe zone to share and care, find and give support to one another.

Seek help of a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist if you feel too stressed out and are not in a position to take care of yourself. Homoeopathy, reflexology, accupuncture, aromatic oils, massage etc are helpful. Homoeopathy and Bach flower remedies help profoundly.

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How to achieve more success?

We all want to be more successful and strive to achieve more. It’s very natural to want to get better. The more success we achieve the more confident and happier we get. It’s our basic instinct to pursue success. Hence we admire and respect successful people. Here are a few tips to achieve more success

Wake up early. A simple and easy strategy that sets you ahead of others. Starting early gives you extra time and sets you ahead. Waking up early let’s you plan and set the pace for your day. Waking up early makes you feel fresh and energetic. It makes you positive. Gives you enough time to plan your day and set the pace of the day.

Develop a positive attitude. A positive attitude helps you to expect desired and optimistic outcomes. It energizes you to work harder and find better and innovative ways to keep moving forward. It guides you to overcome setbacks faster and learn from it instead of getting dejected and depressed. With the positive attitude you stay motivated.

Read daily and grow your knowledge. To get better in your field, knowledge is the key. Learning is crucial if you desire to move faster. Daily reading will enhance your knowledge and help you incorporate newer methods to achieve success faster. Constantly upgrading yourself is the best way to survive and thrive in an ever changing and fast moving environment. Lack of new learning is the way to move backwards. Invest in reading and learning daily.

Find a purpose. Having a purpose provides the motivation and directions to  keep moving forward. It provides a meaning to your actions. A reason for you to keep working. For a student studying hard is possible when there is a higher purpose like wanting to help his parents financially. A purpose aids a parent to works hard so as to provide for his family.

Get inspired by motivational literature, autobiographies, stories of struggle and overcoming hardships, principles and strategies to succeed. Inspirational stories gives us hope. Creates new meaning and purpose. Reading opens new avenues, provides new insights, new and better working methods, Inspirational reading helps you tide over rough patches.

Work at bettering your communication skills. Network and interact with people in your field. Learn from their success. Create associations that will help you in shortening your journey to success. Communication is key to happy families, success at work place, expansion of business, increasing sales, creating and growing organisations. Communication not only sends across the right information but also betters understanding and cooperation.

Love yourself and be yourself. Self love is when you love and respect yourself for who you are. You can stop pleasing people by bending backwards and doing things against your interests. Being yourself is the outcome of self love. Being yourself makes you comfortable and you don’t have to lie to your self and pretend to be someone else. Confidence and leadership stems from you being comfortable with who you are.

Goal setting should be done before you embark on your journey to success. Setting long term goals and short term goals that help you accomplish your mission , fullfil your deep desires and serve a higher purpose. Setting the right goals that allign with your deep inner voice and is very essential to experience true satisfaction.  Goal setting is dynamic and should be constantly evaluated and monitored to know if it’s serving your purpose and mission. Goals need to be redirected, changed or adjusted depending on the circumstances. Setting better goals and achieving them sets the pace to success

Start working on your goals immediately.  Don’t procrastinate or delay the first step. The first step is usually the hardest. Once you initiate action and consistently keep taking the necessary actions, it begins to develop momentum and acceleration. This  momentum is very important to overcome huge hurdles and impediments in the path of your goals If you delay working on your goals it could result in you never beginning and giving up before you ever started.

Planning your day and scheduling your priorities is critical to time management. Learning better time management and scheduling your priorities in tandem with your goals is important if you want to stay focused and keep moving in the right direction. If you ignore or take this lightly you could end up wasting your time on things that do not matter thereby robbing you of the the time needed for accomplishing important things.

Being yourself is critical for your development and progress. It helps you tap into your creativity and unleash your potential. It makes you feel in control. Being yourself makes you confident and Trying to be someone else to please others robs you of your true potential and undermines your ability to perform. Being yourself makes you happy. Its a well known fact that happy people achieve more than those who are unhappy.

Love people for who they are. Understand that you need people to achieve more success. Develop a better understanding of people, help them, teach and assist them in learning and developing themselves,  don’t judge them. People help and support you when you love, understand and support them first. Develop a network  of people associates and customers. Treat people with respect and dignity. 

Don’t try to accomplish everything on your own. Focus on your core skills and abilities, delegate things that are taking you away from your core competencies. Delegation saves your time and energy that you can now use for higher productivity. So whenever you realize that you are spending too much time on mundane and unimportant task remember to delegate.

Learn financial literacy. People have great ability to earn and make a lot of money. at the same time most people end up spending all the money they earn and land up in debt. Experiencing financial problems keeps you in a state of worry and anxiety. Success in you field of competency without financial stability keeps people stressed. When you have sufficient money to take care of your needs, enough money to take care of emergencies puts you in a state of security. Learn the art and habits of savings for a rainy day, unexpected expenses and future. Let your saved money work for you. Save money, invest, earn before you spend. Spend wisely. These habits and financial habits go a long way to truly experience success.

Knowledge is the key to any endeavor. To be extremely successful in any field one must have an updated knowledge and aware of the current trends. Educate yourself, read journals and books about the latest developments. Having a mentor helps you avoid many pitfalls and enhances your chances to earlier success. Having a mentor gives you a deeper understanding in your field and help you introspect your attitudes, processes and create realistic expectations. Learn from the leaders in your field as it will propel you in the right direction rather than wasting precious time and effort.

Lastly know that, “Failing is good”. Taking action leads to either success or failure. Fear of failure stops people from following their dreams and goals. No great success has ever been achieved without much failure. It’s rightly said that “Failure is the stepping stone to success. Never fear failure. Fail faster, learn faster and correct your approach. Success will appear faster.

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How to overcome fear?

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How to deal with too many thoughts?

Have you ever experienced or are experiencing your head being crowded with too many thoughts? Well almost everyone at some time or the other has had this experience. It’s so overwhelming that it’s impossible to work or rest and have a sound sleep. The thoughts keep racing in the mind and the brain seems to just keep going on and on. The brain just can’t calm down. You may want to sleep or relax but the system is high on adrenaline and you just can’t calm down.

This state can be triggered by sudden bad news. The death of a loved one, sudden reversal of fortune, breakup, deceit and betrayal, anticipation anxiety, etc. The flight or fight mechanism gets triggered on and the lower brain gets triggered. One experiences panic and extreme restlessness sets in. The thoughts start racing in the brain and your legs gets restless. It’s difficult to sit in one place and you start pacing up and down. Some feel like running away while others feel extreme helplessness and cry.

In short you just can’t calm down. One feel overwhelmed. You desperately desire to calm down and relax but it seems impossible to slow down the brain. Some times in extreme cases people are not able to sleep for days. It’s very difficult to conduct daily activities efficiently. The person experiencing this state is in extreme distress.

So what can one do when one is in such a state or finds his loved ones in this distress?

1. Empathise with the person by hearing them out and acknowledging their state. Feel their pain and distress and let them know that you are with them.

2. Let them know it’s ok to experience such states.

3. Don’t ridicule or belittle them for having such an experience.

4. Let them know that this stage is temporary and it will soon pass away.

5. Help and assist them in through relaxation exercises. These exercises help on calming down and offset the panic state.

6. Calming music and subliminal music has a profound effect in Calming the mind.

7. Yoga and meditation help to centre the mind.

8. Brisk exercise, running, walking in nature, having a shower, having chamomile tea.

9. Homoeopathic medicines and Bach flower remedies are very effective in calming the mind very quickly.

10. Seeing a psychologist and / psychiatrist may be necessary in extreme cases. Homoeopathic medicines are very effective but take it after consulting your Homoeopathic doctor. Avoid any kind of self medication. Don’t ignore the problem if it does not respond to the above measures and see a mental health care proffesional as soon as possible. Don’t shy away discuss the matter with your friends, family and your general physician.

Watch “How to overcome anxiety by Dr Alfred D’Silva” on YouTube

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Watch “How to better my child’s behaviour? (part 2) by Dr Alfred D’Silva.” on YouTube

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Watch “How to improve my child’s behaviour (Part 1) by Dr Alfred D’Silva” on YouTube

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