How to help a friend in depression?

At some time in our lives either we or our loved ones experience depression. The depression could range from very mild to severe. It could last for a short while or last very long. Some of us can tackle depression on our own or with a little help from friends and family. While others may require specialized help and support.

Whenever we see our loved ones in trouble it’s our natural instinct to jump in and get help. So here are some of the things you could do to help.

(Try to provide them the help you can. If you find they need more help then motivate them to see a mental health expert.)

Give them your time: When you find your friend alone battling his depression don’t leave him alone. Spend time with them. You may be very busy at that point of time, surrounded by many hard pressing issues. Just keep that aside and spend some time with your friend who needs you more than anything. Your company is the greatest gift you can ever give him.

A person battling depression needs some one to talk to, so listen to them. Listening to them is a great release of the pent up negative energy. The need to be in someone’s company and talk about the problems that are driving them deep into depression is very real. When ignored it drives them to take extreme steps. Listening to them is providing them a turn around opportunity.

Listening to someone is not easy. For most of us even during a normal regular conversation we listen with the intent to reply. That’s the challenge here. We got to be listening with the intention to understand and not to reply. Always keeping in mind that the person in depression has a strong need to feel understood.

When you want to truly understand and let the other person feel understood. The way to do that is through empathic listening. Always remember to empathize with them, respect their feelings even if you disagree with them. Do not ridicule or belittle their feelings and emotions.

The way to make them feel really good is to Validate their feelings and not dismiss their feelings. When we dismiss their feelings it adds salt to their injuries. Let them know that it’s ok and justified to feel the way they feel. A depressed person is already very low and at such a time to let them know that they are wrong can be very hurtful and unbearable. So refrain from dismissing their feelings but remember to validate their feelings.

When talking to a person with depression avoid pep talk at the start of the conversation. It can become a big block to all your further well intentioned communication. Pep talk is a total invalidation of their feelings. It’s a message that they are wrong to harbor such feelings. They will block you out at that very moment. Such pep talks can have a totally opposite effect. I am not saying to totally avoid pep talk . After they feel fully understood and they have vented out their feelings then it’s ok to venture into pep talk. So pep talk comes in the last part of the conversation.

One of the commonest and irresistible things that people do is giving examples from their own lives and others on how they tackled and overcome similar situations. This makes them feel incapable and stupid that they couldn’t figure it out by themselves and solve it. This makes them angry and even more depressed.

When you have got them talking it’s very important to let them talk. Don’t interrupt them even if you feel they are going around in circles or are speaking irrelevant things. As they speak they will release the pent up steam. Just let the steam come out. They will talk about several unrelated events and incidents. Let them talk. Remembering that it’s a part of the venting process will give you the strength to endure the excessive talk. A lot of garbage will come out along with the real issues. Your job is to just listen and provide empathy.

When they are speaking a lot of stuff it takes time. Don’t get restless or impatient. Keep an empathic attitude towards whatever they are venting. Getting restless as the conversation seems stretched is normal for you but it’s very hurtful to the depressed friend who is opening up.

Sometimes they are not willing to speak up or open up or come to the main point. They just keep moving in circles and keep avoiding talking about the main issue. Understand it’s difficult for them to get there and address to those issues. It’s just too painful to get there. Great amounts of support and compassion can get them talking about those issues. They can stretch the conversation as the emotions slowly and gradually release. It can be very time consuming. Be patient. Give them the opportunity to release.

Let them know that you are not judging them and It’s ok to feel depressed. It’s not that they are deficient in anyway. It’s perfectly fine for them to feel whatever they are experiencing . It’s ok to be vulnerable and hurt. You don’t have to be a solid rock that can face all challenges. It’s human to be vulnerable. When you get hurt its painful. There is nothing to be ashamed about that. It’s a perfectly normal thing.

When we try or attempt anything in our life, we will either succeed or fail. Success and failure are the two outcomes of any endeavor hence failing is just one of the two outcomes. It’s very normal to fail. People make a big fuss about failing asif the only acceptable outcome of any effort is success. These thoughts are a flaw to the normal functioning of life. Failing is not a crime or a punishment but is just an outcome of effort.

When ever we feel pain the normal reaction is to cry. Conditioning of society has made many feel that they are weak if they cry. It’s a sign of being inadequate. This is a wrong understanding of how the mind and emotions work. Normal reaction to painful problems is to cry. It’s perfectly normal to cry. Crying is a big release to the pent up high intensity emotional flux. It’s a way of finding balance and healing. It’s a process of release. Crying has many benefits and is not a sign of weakness.

We all have plans and ideas about how our lives should be. Most of the time it never goes the way we want it to go. Life has it’s own way. It goes and flows contrary to our wishes and expectations. It’s very distressing when things don’t go our way. Accepting the fact that life is just the way it is. It flows in ways beyond our understanding. Accepting life the way it flows is wisdom.

While you listen to them remember to let them do the talking and thinking. Let them figure out the solution. As they speak your role is to listen with empathy and be non judgemental. Don’t be in a hurry to come to a solution or conclusion. Let the venting and solutions emerge from the cleaning process. Be calm and extremely patient.

Know very well that these methods can work as an aid and assist you to help your friend combating depression. It will help you on many occasions but there will be times you won’t be able to help. At such times it’s very important that you seek professional help for your friend. Since you have helped them before, you will be able to influence them to accept help from professionals. Ensure that they follow through the process of psychotherapy diligently.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating depression.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

How to have a good night sleep.

A good night’s sleep is therapeutic. Sleep is the body’s time to conduct various repair and rejuvenation processes. That’s why people wake up fresh and all recharged to face another work packed day.

Research has shown that less sleep makes people prone to many problems and increases the risk to stroke and heart attacks. Increased risk for diabetes, common colds, depression and stress.

Now a days people use sleep trackers to measure the sleep which causes further stress that reduces the sleep even more and aggravates the problem.

Here are a few tips that can improve your sleep

1. Reduce your activity 1 to 2 hours before bedtime. This slows you down and let’s the brain get ready to go to sleep. Don’t indulge in fast and mentally engaging activity like fast digital games.

2. Turn of your screens like your mobile and television sets. These gadgets emit blue light that mimics sunlight which keeps the brain in daytime mode. It prevents the brain from secreting melatonin which is the brain’s sleep hormone. This prevents healthy normal sleep from kicking in.

3. Avoid intake of stimulants like coffee and tea at least 6 hours before bedtime as they tend to keep the brain active and prevent sleep. Energy drinks should be avoided especially if you suffer from sleep deprivation. It will tend to keep you awake all night.

4. People are using gadgets to monitor their sleep. Some people begin to worry about not getting enough sleep by seeing the sleep reports in the morning. This begins to cause stress and further reduces the sleep. So just stop using these fitness trackers to measure your sleep and sleep as much as your body needs.

5. Some people wake up frequently to to to the bathrooms for a leak. Then they find it difficult to fo to sleep. Avoid too much water intake 2 hours before bedtime. In elderly people sitting or standing causes swelling due to water retention which causes frequent urina6at night as the water from the feet gets absorbed and forms excessive urine. Raising your feet by placing a pillow under your feet an hour or so before bedtime will drain the accumulated water from the feet.

6. Sleep in a cool room. Hotter environments prevent sleep whereas cold environments induce sleep. So cool the room either by ventilation or switching the aircondition to a low temperature. The lower the temperature the easier or is to sleep

7. Breakfast like a king. Lunch like a commoner and dinner like a pauper. Having a light dinner aids in good sleep. Heavy meals can cause gastric distress which can cause discomfort which will not let you sleep peacefully.

8. Nuts have selenium and potassium which help to sleep well. So consuming a couple of nuts can induce a good sleep. Dairy foods and high protein foods like meat can reduce the quality of sleep.

9. Sleep in the same bed each night. Avoid changing your bed or sleeping on the couch at night. When bed partners snore it can disturb the other person. Some partners talk and beat in their sleep. This causes the other person frequently wake up thereby affecting the quality of sleep. It’s better to get your own bed

10. Get into bed the same time daily. Just close your eyes and lay down. This trains the brain to switch off at a fixed time daily. Lie on your back as lying on your back is known to relive aches and pains. It relaxes the body which leads to a restful night sleep. Using a pillow elevates the head reducing gastric reflux and heartburn.

Following these simple steps can greatly improve the quality of sleep and cause better health and happier fresher mind.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating sleep disorders.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

Our thinking habits determine our destiny

Have you ever thought or focused on the events of a single day? Focused on each and every event of the day. Could you be alert and aware of each and every thought, decision and happening of the day right to the smallest and most insignificant event of the day?

Most of us will answer in the negative. We are not aware most of the times, about how we think, decide or act in each and every situation of the day. It feels like a major part of our life is on auto pilot. We act without giving a serious thought to most of the events of the day. Well that observation is absolutely right. 90 to 95 percent of our day is automatic, we just do things out of routine, we don’t think before acting on most of the events of the day.

Well that way of running and managing the day has some real good benefits. That’s the reason our brain chooses the automatic way of living. It’s a great way to live, we don’t have to spend too much time thinking, on the contrary you can spend that time doing the things you want to do. We call this automatic way of doing things as Habits or routines.

Our lives are the sum of the small tiny moments in our lives. As add all the small tiny moments of our day it makes our entire life. Since we live most of these moments automatically, that means most of our life is lived for us. We don’t get to choose as most of our life’s decisions are automatically determined by our thinking habits.

People know us because of how we behave in those automatic moments. We are known as lazy, active, loving, selfish, angry, irritable, calm, patient, impatient, careless or careful, etc. The sum of those small moments and our automatic behavior in those moments determine the direction and outcome of our life.

These automatic way of behaving, known as habits are the result of our automatic thinking. When we focus on a thought then our actions correspond to that thought. When we focus on thinking positive thoughts then our actions tend to be Positive. When we focus on negative thoughts then our minds are filled with negativity and our corresponding actions are negative.

Whether our predominant thinking is positive or negative, it’s the out come of the decision that we make about which thoughts we chose to focus upon.

Since our actions are the outcome of our thoughts and our destiny is the sum of the actions in every moment of our life. Our destiny is determined by the thoughts we choose to focus upon.

The good or the bad news is that we get to choose our thoughts which will translate into repeated action and eventually become a thinking habit. We get an opportunity to decide which habit we intend to own. Which automatic behavior we wish to create and develop. The good news is that you get to choose your thoughts at any and every moment of your life before it translates into repeated action and converts into a thinking habit.

You choose the right thoughts, which translates into the right actions. Develop the right thinking habits and reap the right results. Or you could choose the other way with negative thoughts and create a negative thinking habit. Either way, You choose your destiny

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating the negative thinking habit.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

Is your mobile destroying your Life?

The mobile is an integral part of our daily lives. The phone connects us to any person or service in seconds. It has simplified our lives greatly. People depend to a great extent on their phone to do most of their work like banking, business, marketing, shopping etc. It has reduced travel and time to accomplish task and work. It’s a wonder gadget. While the mobile helps us at work it also provides us with a lot of entertainment and unnecessary information. Due to advancements in technology the mobile can do things that we could only imagine in sci-fi movies.

People spend more time on Facebook and less time face to face. People are spending more time on their phones and social media. Watching movies and serials. Believing the reel life to be the real life.

People are posting nice happy poses and pictures on social media. They pause and break the natural flow of their interactions with people just to click photos which affects the quality of their interactions. Other people who see these images and stories begin to believe that the people in the pictures are having a perfect life and that their own life is miserable. They feel bad about their lives and wish they too had the life that they see in the photos. They believe in the lies of the reel world and feel unhappy about their lives thereby becoming unhappy and feeling dissatisfied with an already normal and healthy lifestyle.

People are far more disconnected emotionally with their loved ones. The are less emotionally invested in their real relationships. Spending less time interacting with loved ones drives the wedge deeper and the relationships become distant. Even though they live side by side their hearts and minds are miles apart.

Reduced person to person interaction causes people to ignore real issues and focus on urgent problems. They focus on the petty issues of the moment and ignore the real issues. People are more focused on the short term gains and totally ignore the long term pains which will follow. They only wake up to the issue when they face the serious consequences of ignoring the investment in relationships that had to be done in the past. The negligence due to spending too much time with their gadgets causes great damage to their relationships.

Spending too much time with the computer, phone apps and games that are quick paced, makes their reflexes fast and quick but at the same time it reduces their ability to concentrate on task that require prolonged time of focus. It results in reduced attention span. Students experiencing shorter attention spans and find it difficult to focus on long answers and stay focused in classroom teaching.

Spending more time alone absorbed in the company of their gadget they tend to become more self centered. Since they have considerable reduction in social activity they rarely consider people as real people, with real feelings. They feel disconnected and alienated. This further drives them away from social interaction and more absorbed in their virtual world.

The digital world is filled with fast actions and quick results. Everything happens very fast. This reinforces the Instant gratification network in the brain. When they play computer/mobile games or post on social media they get quick recognition for their efforts and skills at posting and playing the games of rewards and likes. This triggers the – Dopamine network in the brain. Every time a like appears or they win a game, instantly the brain releases a dopamine shot. This makes them feel happy. It motivates them to post more and play more. In the process they get addicted to social media and games. The more time they are with their games and social media the more they are away from real people and the real world. They loose touch with real life.

The speed of the digital world is far too rapid and the consequences are far too mild as compared to the real world. People die and kill in the virtual world and there are no drastic consequences. The apply the same action and consequences model to the real world, which is really dangerous.

They develop Restlessness and Impatience. It’s difficult for them to wait and exhibit patience in the real world. They become emotionally unstable far quicker. They find it difficult to persevere when the going gets tough and they quit far too quickly thereby loosing out on their efforts.

Deep thinking and reasoning ability is reduced. Fast thinking is greatly increased and the person can react to situations quickly but the Deep thinking is greatly harmed or underdeveloped causing the person to undertake quick and rash decisions without giving a serious thought to the long term consequences. The results of these impulsive actions can have mild to severe or even serious consequences. For example riding a bike at high speeds in narrow lanes. Due to quick reflexes he can maneuver quickly but a slight error can have disastrous consequences. Due to reduced deep thinking the person is not aware of the dangers or long term consequences of their rash and impulsive actions for themselves and for others.

They want money, love and things very quickly and easily without much effort. When these things don’t happen as expected they feel depressed, resentful and angry. Wanting quick happiness and pleasure they easily fall prey to intoxicants and narcotics. This is a path to self destruction.

Not being in touch with the real world they also become distant from social values and morals. This increases the possibilities to indulge in online anti-social activities. They find joy in harming people and getting even with those who hurt them in the real world by indulging in cyber shamming, online thefts and frauds.

Spending too much time online increases and aggravates underlying psychological and psychiatric conditions. Depression increases spending too much time alone with the phone or computer and not interacting with people in flesh and blood.

Development of health problems due to increased sedentary life which is filled with dopamine from gadgets but not from physical and outdoor activities like outdoor games and exercise. The lack of physical activity causes heart, bones, joints, digestion and a huge list of physical and mental diseases.

The hard fact is that electronic gadgets are here to stay. We will find it hard to live without the comforts of these gadgets so developing a healthy balance is critical to living a happy healthy life. Learn to recognize this balance and discipline yourself to respect the balance.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in overcoming mobile addiction.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

Developing Confidence in yourself.

Confidence is the faith and belief in yourself. Confidence comes from a latin word fidere’ which means “to trust”; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self”. 

In my practice I have come across many individuals having mild to severe confidence issues. I too suffered from this problem for many years due to not really understanding the real cause of the problem. It was when I really understood the real cause of lack of confidence, I could solve it.

I read many self help books on the topic and tried many techniques. These techniques seemed to work for a while but over time they failed. The technique would just not work any longer. My confidence would temporarily rise for a while based on the newly learnt technique and over time it would all come crashing down. After several crashes of confidence it was difficult to have any self confidence in myself.

The real transformation in my confidence came about when I learnt about the confidence fundamentals. “Confidence is the outcome of developing faith and trust in someone or something. Self confidence comes from having and developing faith in oneself. When you can trust yourself that’s when you have developed self confidence”. This feeling of self confidence is not the outcome of feeling high on pep talk or some motivational and inspiring mumbo jumbo. It’s the outcome of trusting yourself and having faith in yourself becoming aware to the knowledge that you are capable to take care of “YOURSELF”.

So How did I develop this immense reservoir of confidence. Well it’s very easy to understand but needs a lot of discipline and consistency to achieve. Here are a few steps to follow and you will be beaming with confidence.

  1. Think-Plan-Take Massive Action: Set goals that are worthy of this unique, one of a kind person that’s you. God has only manufactured one piece that’s you. No one can ever be you. This understanding that there’s only one ME in this whole wide world and there is no one like me, makes me feel special and is massively uplifting. This sets you apart from everybody and makes you feel special. With this in mind set goals that are worthy of you. Think of your deepest desires and write it down. Follow it by a plan that if properly executed will bring you great results. Then undertake the most important step of MASSIVE ACTION.
  2. Discipline yourself. The real reason for lack of confidence has it’s roots in this step. When you decide to undertake a task. What you are doing is that you are making a promise to yourself to accomplish that task. Making and keeping promises builds confidence in yourself. People make promises/commitments towards their goals without realizing that they are actually promising themselves. When ever you make a statement or commitment you are making a promise to yourself. Honoring that promise is the path to developing trust in yourself, developing faith in your words, integrity in your words and actions of making and keeping commitments. The more you make commitments and honor them in that measure will your faith and confidence in yourself rise.
  3. Become Fearless. A common and well known knowledge is that fear is the brakes to achieve anything. Even before you decide to undertake a task your mind will spring into action to prevent you from setting goals and taking action. Fear generating statements like, “I don’t think i can do it”. “This is too much”. “I am feeling scared”. Then comes fear of failure. Then comes shame. “What if I fail”. “Everyone will make fun of me. they will ridicule me”. You can overcome all this by accepting the fact that, in the journey of life we are bound to encounter failure. It’s impossible to accomplish anything without facing failure. The constant in undertaking any task is failure. Success comes but only after you are beaten and bruised by failure. Remember that the only, THE ONLY path to success is by encountering umpteen failure. Once you have accepted this fact and drilled it deep into your head and heart you will smile and rejoice when failure strikes, as you know that you are one step nearer to your goal.
  4. Learn about Empowerment: Read, listen and see things that will help you learn, understand about your thoughts, feeling and how your brain processes information. What makes you bold and courageous and what makes you chicken out. Read about peoples life stories, about how they encountered challenges and over came them. Read inspiring literature. Attend seminars and workshops. Join groups of positive and inspiring people. The ones who are constantly doing something and finding ways to accomplish their goals without looking for excuses. Invest your time in empowering your self regularly. Empowerment will help you look for possibilities and not for reasons to quit.

Doing all of the above and especially making and keeping promises will over time and with practice build faith in yourself. This faith is the foundation for your confidence. Learning about empowerment will help you accomplish the right things better and faster. The more you do and practice the above steps the more your confidence will rise.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in improving confidence and treating inferiority complex.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

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How to start a side Business?

Sometimes when you spend some personal time all alone, all by your self. In that silence, free of any external disturbance the small inner voice talks to you. It ask some soul searching questions to which your attention is suddenly drawn to. It consumes all of your attention. In that period of time you come to realize some valuable insights –

You come to the realization that : You are tired and bored of your job. You seem to see no happiness or joy in your current job. Your passion is somewhere else. You are here because of your circumstances not because of your passion. The people you work with create a very stressful environment. You achieve very less satisfaction in your job. Monday’s are dreadful. You wish to work in the area of your passion, achieve great things and live a life of your dreams. You believe you have a lot of untapped, unutilized potential and talent. You feel you could use it and make it big.

This realization is an indication that, It’s time for you to explore and start something worthy of you.

Everything begins small and grows big. The same applies to your plans for the business. The dreams got to be big and motivating. At the same time the steps got to be small and measurable. Nothing ever starts big. Start with small steps but keep your eye on the big dream. See long term

If you are still undecided or unsure about what to do. The best and easiest thing to do is introspect and identify a skill or hobby that you like. You will come to a realization that there’s something you liked a lot but due to some reason or the other you just ignored it or were forced to abandon it. On further exploration you come to know that you may actually be good at it or you feel confident that somehow you could easily upgrade your skills and make it work big time for you.

The hobby or skill could be sports, drawing, painting, music, teaching, talking to people, love for animals, dog training, physical fitness, helping others, social work etc.

It has to be something that you are deeply passionate about but could not pursue due to family pressure, financial pressure or just plain situational at the earlier time in your life. It just didn’t feel right to pursue that hobby. It did not make much sense to devote too much time and attention. But now the time seems right and it’s something that will really make you happy as well.

After you have identified the “Why” and thought about the “What”. The next step is to focus on the “HOW”. So now do some research to acquire information what other people are doing in that area of your interest. How did they start, grow and face the challenges. What strategies and ideas did they implement to overcome the challenges? How long did it take to reach where they currently are? How much of time, energy, money will you have to invest to get there?

Let’s assume your interest area is deep love for dogs. See what other people are doing in that area of love for dogs. People have pet shops, pet trainer, pet grooming, pet boarding, pet breeders, marine pets, flying pets, dog walkers, pet saloon, pet toys, pet foods, home cooked foods for pets, caring for sick pets etc.

Research about how they started and developed their business. Their starting stories, their struggles and challenges. Identify the steps involved in starting and developing the business. After you have gathered sufficient data. It’s time to sit and think of a plan that suits your capital and the time that’s available to you. That’s the financial and time resources at your disposal.

Now develop a phase wise plan for the entire project based on your research. Work on the Phase wise development plan for your business. Starting small and scaling up. Plans about reaching the targets by breaking the goals into sub-goals.

This plan should have an outline that clearly describes Major stages and the steps to be taken in each stage. A fine detailed plan consisting of every minor detail and the sub steps involved. Clearly defined Roles of the people involved, the available resources of time, property, money and human.

Every step should be written as clearly and explicitly as possible, leaving very little room for error. Hence the research is very important and should not to be taken lightly

Set deadlines for each step and sub step along with the desired results to be achieved and accomplished to ascertain the success of the plan.

Break the major goals into sub goals and mini goals.

Start as soon as possible. Keep up the pace and honor the deadlines. Start with a bang.

Keep up the momentum. Start with small goals, remember you are doing this along with your existing job. This is your side business at this moment.

Use a planner to look for the time available for you to contribute your time to the business. Mark it in your planner. Be extremely disciplined cause no one will direct you. Remember you are your own boss. Set the start dates and end dates for each goal and sub goals. Stay on target.

You will sometimes be bang on target and sometimes totally miss the mark. Here’s the catch. Focus on effort not results. If you focus on results, you will quickly get disappointed and pull the curtains on your dreams.

Focus on your efforts. Feel happy when you have given your best shot. If you hit target or miss it. Just tell yourself, “It’s not all that important”. Don’t get me wrong. It’s very critical to the success of the plan that you succeed at every step. But the trick is not to let that be your primary focus. The primary focus should be, that you are putting your level best and getting better at what you do, day after day. Focus on the small progress. This will keep your spirits high and help you to keep moving even when the going gets tough.

Slowly and gradually you will enjoy your time in the side business. It will grow and over time supercede your existing non interesting job.

At that point of time you could make an informed decision on your further course of action. Till then Hustle.

If you need any help, guidance and training to start your own business or to improve the working and productivity of your staff we could help you.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

Are you heading towards a relationship crisis?

People falling in love experience the greatest joys and happiness just by being in the presence of their partner. They wish to remain in that phase for ever.

People have different personalities. Men and women behave differently in the same situation. These differences cause the attraction but after the attraction has played its role and the honeymoon is over, the couple come to realize that they are different. Where there are differences, there will be problems. When the relationship faces stress, the inherent weakness in either of the partners becomes visible.

These weakness expose the vulnerabilities in the personality and makes the person behave different, from the time, that they fell in love. Not understanding that our partner’s personality is different from us and that they behave in differently from us causes problems that are difficult to handle. Most relationships break because couples don’t know how to get along.

Here are some of the indications that your relationships could be in trouble.

When you are constantly being monitored by you partner. Your partner is extremely suspicious about your whereabouts. Whom you talk to, whom you meet, chat on the phone. Directing your behavior and instructing you on how to dress, talk and behave with others. When your partner is constantly suspicious about your every move.

When you constantly feel that pressure of being judged for your every word and action. You feel that your life is constantly being monitored. It feels awkward or uneasy to share your deep inner feelings as you are aware that you will not be understood or you will be misunderstood or critically judged. So you try to be the person you partner wants you to be. You conform to his expectations. You feel caged and unable to express yourself with your partner. You are constantly in fear that some wrong word or action can trigger an ugly reaction from your partner. These type of relationships have a short life and it all end when the suppressed partner reaches the end of their tolerating capacity.

When you are constantly living in fear if your partner will misunderstand your communication. Constantly thinking about phrasing your words before speaking least you are misunderstood. This is a good indication that trust and understanding is lacking in the relationship. Without ample of trust and understanding the relationship will struggle to survive.

You are always wondering about how long the relation will survive or doubting the level of commitment of your partner towards the relationship. When ever you talk about marriage they changes the topic. They are avoiding to take you to social functions and introduce you to their business or office friends. You are questioning yourself if you are the only person in their life. Are they deliberately keeping you away form their contacts. It’s an indication that they are not serious about you.

You are beginning to feel suffocated in this relationship. You are avoiding their call and messages. You are cancelling the dates by giving some lame excuse. You now don’t feel the joy in being around your partner. It feels like a big drag to be around that person. The nice and funny things they did in the past that you used to like are now stupid and irritating. Even their voice is now beginning to sound unpleasant to your ears.

You are now thinking about your values and interest in life. Do they match with your partner? Do you share any common ground? Was it just attraction that brought the two of you together or was it real love? There are too many adjustments that need to be made in order this relationship survives. How long can you continue making these adjustments? Is all this effort worth this relationship?

You are avoiding your friends. You stop going out. Doing the things you once liked are not enjoyable any longer. You either are staying too much at home or are keeping your self too occupied with work.

You are feeling that your identity is getting lost or slowly dying. You are not this person that you have now become. You seem to have become someone else. You don’t like this new person that you have become. You have made too many compromises to stay in this relationship and now you don’t want to continue making any more compromises. You want to assert your self and be the person you really are and you know fully well that you won’t be accepted.

The real reason for this change in behavior is that you are not happy in this relationship. You don’t feel the love, respect, joy, happiness, freedom to be who you are in this relationship. Instead you feel tied down, restricted, controlled and fearful. You feel that you are giving too much and receiving too little. It doesn’t feel that the contribution is equal in the relationship. It feels like they have taken undue advantage of your goodness.

Under these circumstances couples either head for a separation or seek help of a marriage and family therapist to save the relationship.

Men and women are different in their thinking, needs and fulfilling these needs. Without fully understanding that men and women are different and they express themselves differently there is bound to be conflict.

When couples learn about these differences they realize that the misunderstandings were because of the differences and not because they their love was less. Their relationships become loving, trusting and the most fulfilling experience of life. They learn to live happily together.

If you are facing problems in your relationships please contact us. It will make us happy to be of help you.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating the bad effects of relationship crisis and its after effects on the mind and body. Reduces the mental agony and pain. Helps to rebuild the damaged or broken relationships.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

What destroys self esteem?

As we go through our everyday lives we encounter favorable situations and unfavorable situations, happy and unhappy situations. Each situation affects us positively or negatively. We feel happy when things are favorable and unhappy when things are unfavorable. Each of these situations affect our self esteem positively or negatively. Its our natural tendency to focus on the things that make us feel bad. Hence we tend to give more attention to the feeling that make us feel bad. No one ever wants to feel bad but when things don’t go our way we naturally tend to let that bad feeling dominate over the good in our life. The good that happens gets neglected.

The negative way of thinking lowers your energy levels with no apparent or visible cause to trigger that feeling. You begin to doubt yourself. You feel you dont deserve the position or the salary you receive in your office or the love and respect you receive from others. You find it difficult to make decisions and trust your own decisions. You feel weak and powerless. These are an indication that your self worth is taking a hit.

When you realize that your self worth is in trouble it’s time to examine your live and figure out what’s contributing to the present situation. It’s mainly your negative thinking. but knowing what triggers your negative thinking can help you turn things around.

Firstly and immediately it’s time to stop blaming yourself for the problems. Treat yourself kindly and be compassionate with yourself. We are not machines or god to be right and perfect all the times, we can allow ourselves to go wrong and permit yourself to make mistakes. We can observe our behavior patterns that are contributing to the problem and make some changes.

The way we See the problem is the problem. Here are some insights and solutions.

We value the opinion of others: We give undue importance to the opinion of others. We assume that others have acritical judgement about you. So you worry and feel inadequate. Some times people may even say things that show us in low light. Is it right to let others judge our efforts. Shouldn’t we be the ones who should be judging ourselves. Most of the times they are wrong about us

Our fears get the best of us. We fear that we will fail in our undertakings people will label us as failures. We are too cautious in our moves. we play with utmost safety and avoid any risk. hence our gains are small and insignificant. This affects our self esteem. If only we would care less about the criticism of others and work with all our hearts and efforts. We would make much more and prove the naysayers wrong.

Holding ourselves responsible for the problems in our lives and the lives of others. The guilt of us being responsible for the suffering and problems of others will not let us do anything other than that what is permitted to do. It will always keep us in guilt and make us be in a state of repentance and compensate for the loss of others by doing exactly what they want of us.

Trying to be everything to everyone and becoming nothing to no one. Saying YES when you want to say NO. The pleaser always weighs the wishes of everyone else above his as he is too happy to get the credit and recognition for being the martyr. Always sacrificing for others and never living or thinking for ones self never lets self esteem grow.

Over valuing failures and undermining effort makes one feel a big failure and being worthless. When too much importance is assigned to success then every failure is also given an even greater value. With every failure the desire to try again only diminishes. The faith in oneself depletes. Understanding that failure is an integral part of the process of becoming successful. Knowing that there is a valuable lesson to be learnt in every failure suddenly changes the perception of failure. Failure now becomes a teacher, a revered guru to learn from. Failure is now the guru not something to be ashamed of.

Feeling unloved and unwanted. Feeling no one cares makes a person feel low, sad, unworthy for others to give them time. Others may genuinely be busy with their own problems and difficulties but this neglect that hey perceive causes the self esteem to fall.

When the self esteem is low people Resist praise and Compliments so that they are not hurt again when they fail to produce results. The low they experience when they are neglected as a punishment for underperforming is so painful that even when they do something worthy of praise they resist it. They can’t bear the roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Becoming open to praise is very necessary to improve self esteem. Understanding that life is never constant, after every peak there is a fall and after touching the bottom there is a rise. Knowing this prepares you for the highs and the lows.

Being in the presence of negative people who are constantly criticizing and complaining about things and events. They are never happy with whatever you do. Taking their comments to heart affects how we feel about ourselves. Ignoring their criticism preserves your esteem

Feeling over responsible for a situation when things don’t go as planned and as a result you start profusely apologizing. Knowing that there are many factors responsible for success and no one can possibly plan for every eventuality. Some factors are beyond your control. You cannot be held responsible for factors beyond your control. You need not feel responsible for that.

When we become negative and begin to excessively indulge in negative self talk our minds get soaked in negativity. We cannot see any positive consequences of our actions and efforts. Hence we never try to do anything worthwhile as we see only the futility of any effort. We constantly discourage ourselves and others. This is a very bad place to be in. If you can ever realize this trap of negativity and make tremendous effort to control the negative self talk and begin to use positive self talk. Slowly and surely the sun will rise, the clouds of gloom and negativity will go and the sun of positivity will shine in your life.

Self esteem will grow once again. Believe in yourself and take steps with faith that you will succeed. Even if you don’t be happy to learn the lessons from failure and try again.

Change the word you use for describing a loss as failure, call it a setback, even better call it a learning lesson, a learning cost.

When your language changes along with it your emotions and perceptions of the world changes.

A strong positive attitude will help to see every failure and criticism as a stepping stone to success. You will get stronger each time you say I can do anything because i believe in ME. I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky. I believe I can do anything I set my mind and heart to. I promise myself to stay positive.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating low self esteem and raising the level self esteem.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

How to be great at what you do?

We are all choosen for greatness. It’s never by accident that anyone becomes great. It’s always willful, intentional, directed, continual and by consistently taking small steps towards our greatness. It’s through the realisation of our inner gifted talents.

Greatness

We cannot become the greatest by developing a talent that we don’t possess. We all are gifted in different ways with different talents. Each one has to discover it for themselves.

The path of greatness starts with the process of self discovery. According to the great German psychiatrist Victor Frankel in his book man’s search for meaning, the purpose of our life is to discover our talents and our purpose of life which then becomes our passion. Our purpose of life. Our internal motivator.

Discovering that inner calling, purpose sets you on the path for greatness. Without that discovery, you will be living an inspired life, you will be living someone elses inspiration and purpose. You may like it but since it not your calling, you won’t ever find your greatness.

Hence finding your purpose is critically important.

When you come to realise your calling, your purpose, that’s when you’ll begin to develop that greatness in you.

Pay now, play later. Prioritise your purpose. Give the most productive time, energy and effort to your purpose or goal. Give your best, give your most, don’t hold back. If you play now remember you will pay severely later.

There will be a lots of failure along your path to greatness. You will meet failure several times before you see success face to face. Unless you are ready to meet failure with a smile

knowing very well that success is hiding behind several failled attempts, it’s extremely hard to keep meeting one failure after another and still keeping your enthusiasm high and feet moving forward and towards your goals.

Steady gaze on your goals

Thinking positive in the face of repeated failure, keeping a steady gaze on your goals, holding tightly, not giving up when failure lashes you, beats you, pins you down. It’s only with immense faith that you will endure till you come face to face with success.

Your positive stance in life will let you face the good and the bad things wíth peace because you will know that good and bad things will happen in life. Knowing that the bad won’t feel that bad and the good will feel better. Without the positive stance it’s very easy to fall out.

Attitude is a choice. Attitude is a difference maker. The attitude that “My best days lay before me. I am yet to come face to face with my greatest time”. As you think in the same measure you will act. Your motivation will not fade in the face of adversity. Your zeal, your enthusiasm will not fade or grow dim. It will stay burning bright even when you face the storm. The fire won’t be extinguished on the contrary will burn brighter in the storm.

Higher purpose than self

Having a purpose bigger than yourself and committing to that purpose is and will be the source of never ending supply of perseverance. The purpose is your driver and it helps you navigate the choppy seas of difficulties that one encounters on the path to greatness.

Learning

Learning is a life long process. The more you learn, use, practice the more skilled you will be. More the skill more the recognition. Being committed to learning daily. Discipline in time, energy and resources in learning will go a long way in developing mastery.

Focus on your zone of strength not on your zone of weakness. The commonest of all mistakes people do is that they focus a lot of their time, energy and resources in overcoming their weakness. In fact no matter how much energy and resources you put in a weakness it will never become as strong as your in-built strengths. Since time is a finite resource so focus it on developing your strengths. You can always develop in your weakness zone but simultaneously one must focus mainly on developing your strength zone.

Become a steward of your gifts. Be the one responsible for their optimal utilisation. Under utilisation of your resources is being irresponsible with your gifts and talents. All the resources, help we receive are gifts. Their utilisation and fruiting is our responsibility. Give it your 100%.

Planing comes first, execution come later. If you are not spending time in preparing then you will spend time in repairing. Living intentionally will keep you doing the first things first. It will let you know the first things so that when you get caught up with the obstacles and distractions in life you will stay focused on the important things.

Practicing your strength frequently. Practice doesn’t make it perfect. Perfection is not an attainable state. Practice doesn’t make perfect but makes it permanent. It makes your strength bigger and better.

Evaluate the process. Evaluate the results. Evaluate what’s done as well/not well. What you need to change. Feedback is the key to a well directed change. Improve the areas based on the feedback. Make the changes permanent by practicing it consistently. Develop the attitude to do things better the next time. Become a genius with one change at a time

Remember you can’t make a giant leap forward towards greatness. It’s always one step at a time. You don’t become an overnight success. It takes several failled attempts followed by several successful attempts to reach success. The journey to success is always one step at a time.

Every day is important. Your contribution to each day is important. You cannot neglect your contribution one day and try to compensate it by working harder tomorrow. Each day needs your 100% contribution. You cannot give 59% today and give 141% tomorrow to compensate for tomorrow. Each day is a fresh investment. Your inconsistent contribution will only delay your greatness.

Counseling, skills training and empowerment has proven time and again to be extremely effective in improving yourself and upscaling your level of greatness.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.

My child is driving me crazy!!!

When your managing the kid’s, the home, your personal life and your job, the last thing you’ll ever want is your kid driving you nuts. Unfortunately that’s not an option as a parent. In order to provide a good life to the family both parents are working. Even if you are a homemaker the challenge of staying calm is no less daunting. The numerous roles that parents have to play to ensure smooth running of the family just adds up to the stress of a parent.

In the light of the challenges that parents to encounter it’s very understandable that they are stressed and tired. They have already burned a great deal of their energy managing and overcoming the challenges of the day outside home. Then when they come home the second job starts. Some times everything goes well and it’s a great joy to come home and relax. Unfortunately that’s not what most parents encounter when they reach home. they have to pick the child from the daycare, come home, set the home right and the list goes on…..

On the other hand the child is full of energy and starts demanding your attention. He expects you to be at his energy level. He is happy to see you and wants to engage with you in playful activity. The parent finds it difficult to engage at a high energy level and with full involvement as the responsibilities of the day are not yet over but the energy is almost over. It’s now a drag not a happy feeling. The demands of the child and his running around as he is not getting your involvement for which he was waiting all day, begins to get you on your nerves. The irritation is not becoming anger. The more you desire peace you will witness chaos. The child is not happy that you are not engaging to his satisfaction.

Children know us better than we know ourselves and they somehow know how to trigger that little red button of anger especially when they are not getting what they want. It’s extremely challenging to stay calm if you are not fully aware of the psychodynamics at play and have not trained yourself sufficiently to stay calm and in control in this situation.

Awareness is the key to solving the problem and not unconsciously flowing with the emotional momentum. Irritation slowly gathers momentum and becomes anger and then rage. Becoming aware of this pattern and breaking the anger momentum will prevent it from escalating into a fully blown display of rage.

Most parents loose their cool and resort to yelling, screaming and arguing with the kids and some times among themselves.

Yelling is an emotional trap. It’s a selfish act.

Mother yelling at children

When you are angry your ability to think rationally is hampered.

When you are yelling the kid is in control and its not a good position to be in. Firstly become fully aware that you are getting stressed out and are loosing your grip on the situation. So calm down. Take charge of the situation. Calmly and firmly set things right.

Handle your child with a calm voice, calm face, calm posture. That’s the adult way of being and staying in control. The kids way of being in control is to cause a tantrum. They need to know who is in control. They are battling it out with you to gain control.

Stress kills the good you. So firstly take some time off daily, it’s your time to rejuvenate yourself. Meditation, exercise, yoga, positive self talk will help you to to recharge your stressed and tired mind.

Eat some healthy, energy and nutrient rich foods. Avoid junk foods.

Sleep well at least 7 hours at night. Stop burning the candles at both ends.

If you continuously work without rest you will eventually burn out. A stressed out person will blow hot fire like a dragon with the slightest provocation.

Your ability to control yourself will be negligible.

So apart from night sleep, take frequent breaks throughout the day. It will help by frequently recharging your battery and getting you moving all charged up.

Ask for help. Don’t wait for your spouse or relatives and friends to volunteer to help you. Ask anyone who can help in your circle, in any way they can to make you feel less burdened.

Create a support group of like minded people. Talk and share your feelings and frustrations. This is a great stress buster and also a rich source of knowledge. A support group comes handy when you need help the most. Easy available help is such a relief.

Hang out with friends and share your feelings

Find some fun activity, talk and interact with friends, relax, read books, watch something you like. Join parenting groups to share and learn more about parenting.

Have some ME TIME. Find your type of relaxation and fun. Take this personal time out as it’s crucial in the rejuvenation process.

Always remember that your role as a parent is to love your child unconditionally. Not only loving them when they are good but also loving them when they are bad and doing the things you disapprove. Love cannot be conditional.

Homeopathy combined with counseling has proven time and again to be extremely effective in treating behavioral problems, attention deficit disorders and hyperactivity in children.

Learning and upgrading parenting skills along with personal counselling can create wonders in your home.

If you need help for yourself or for a friend get in touch by filling the form below. You can also follow us on social media by clicking the links below.